Postcards from Germany: Birthdays in Germany
Birthday parties were a big deal to me as a kid. I was not unique. Naturally, there was the faithful observance of the birthday countdown, and like most girls my age, I dreamed of a dress up party, a massive sleepover and, of course, that sublime vision of playground rollicking, that transcendence into Happy Meal heaven, that paragon of birthday bliss: the McDonald's party. After attending several birthday soirees in Germany, I started wondering whether German kids wished for the same things. I also started to realize that although birthday traditions shouldn't be that different between two western cultures, Germany has its own set of rules, at least with regard to adult birthdays.
Although McDonald's parties certainly exist in Germany, they don't seem to be as popular here as they were when I was a kid. Instead, children's parties here are not unlike ours. Games are played, cake is eaten, presents are given and goody bags go to everyone who comes. There's a version of Musical Chairs and Duck, Duck Goose, but no Simon Says, Red Rover or Pin the Tail on the Donkey. My friends have related some great German games to me, though, and a few are too fun not to share!
One game that could loosely be called "Chocolate Eating" involves a group of kids sitting around a table with a pair of dice, a plate of chocolate, a fork and knife and an outfit of big, winter clothes. Everyone rolls the dice, and the first to roll a six gets a go at the chocolate, but not before they've put on all the winter clothes, including the scarf and the hat. Even then, they have to try to eat the chocolate with the fork and the knife. While they're doing this, the rest of the players are still rolling the dice, so it goes without saying that the person changing into the clothes works as quickly as possible since someone else could roll a six and steal chocolate eating privileges from her. When this happens, the first player has to rush to change out of the winter clothes and give them to the next chocolate eater. The game continues until the chocolate's gone.
Another game is called "My right, right seat is empty". Again, the players sit around a table, this time with one too many chairs. The player sitting to the left of the empty seat announces "My right, right seat is empty and I want Stefan to fill it". Stefan answers, "And how should I come?" The first player can tell Stefan to travel in any way, but if he orders him to come as a snake, then Stefan must go around the table to the empty seat doing his best snake impression.
I've found that adult parties are where you find the biggest – albeit relatively small – differences between American and German birthdays. Among my friends, who come from many different areas in Germany, there is an overriding superstition about when birthday wishes can be given. Wishing someone an early happy birthday or holding a party before the actual day is terrible luck. I've actually been stopped mid-sentence when giving early birthday wishes: this is apparently no joking matter. The second big difference is when birthday parties are celebrated. Young people usually start celebrating the day before their birthday, and everyone must stay until midnight to wish them a happy day at that time. Champagne is often drunk at midnight, and as opposed to American tradition, the birthday girl or boy, called the Geburtstagkind, always pays for the drinks. All the drinks. And the snacks. In exchange, however, friends still observe the tradition of gift giving in Germany. Another custom that at first seemed incredibly cheesy to this American accustomed the use of humor and irony to express emotions is the giving of wishes. In my experience, even the silliest of friends take the time to say something serious and heartfelt about how they feel about each other, wishing happiness, health, luck and the like during birthdays.
I recently had a chance to go with a friend to his grandmother's 80th birthday fête. I was touched by the poems that were read, the songs that were sung and the roses that were ceremonially given. That was as close as I will be able to get to my own grandfather's 80th birthday, happening this weekend. I realized that the tears in my eyes during those poems actually sprung from feelings of joy for him and his 80 years as well as my sadness that school and the Atlantic Ocean keep me from being there to celebrate with him. I hope, then, that you'll permit me this digression into the personal.
Papa, for your 80th birthday, I wish you more happiness than you can hold, all the comfort your body desires, the peace of mind that turns all worry to hope, and the loving communion of family and friends in the many years to come. I love you, papa, and I wish more than anything that I were there with you today.
